P.O. Box 646
Middlebury, VT 05753
Ph: (802) 388-3171
Fax: (802) 388-1590
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P.O. Box 646 Middlebury, VT 05753 Ph: (802) 388-3171 Fax: (802) 388-1590 |
A family meeting is a structured discussion time that typically
involves all members of a family. Family meetings should be regularly
scheduled (for example once a week). Special meetings can be called
to discuss an important issue that cannot wait until the next
regularly scheduled meeting. Holding family meetings on a regular
basis has many benefits for a family. First of all, family meetings
help open lines of communication. Second, they help family members,
especially children, learn to work and solve problems within a
group. Family meetings also allow children to have a say in their
day-to-day life. Having input into decisions will help boost children's
self-esteem, because they will feel heard and respected. Finally,
children who take part in family meetings are given some responsibility
for what goes on in their lives.
Family meetings work best with families whose children are school-aged
or older. In families where there are younger children (infants
and toddlers), it is probably a good idea to schedule meetings
after they have gone to bed.
At first, it is usually best to keep family meetings short - about
15 minutes. As families get better at communication and decision-making,
the meeting times can be lengthened.
What to Discuss at Family Meetings
Family meetings can be used to discuss and deal with a variety
of issues including family problems, to plan family activities,
to discuss chores, and to discuss good things that have happened.
Parents should be careful not to dominate the conversation. Every
family member should be given a chance to express his or her views.
Location
The best place to hold family meetings is in a place where there
are few distractions. For example, it is probably not a good idea
to hold family meetings in the living room with the television
on. One good place to hold family meetings is around the kitchen
or dining room table (after the dishes have been cleared). It
is not a good idea to hold family meetings during mealtime.
Important Details of the Family Meeting
Listed below are some very important parts of successful family
meetings:
*Regular Schedule. It is very important for families to come up
with a consistent time to hold family meetings. They then need
to stick to the schedule. No one will take family meetings seriously
if they are frequently canceled or forgotten. Everyone involved
in the family meetings should make an effort to get to each meeting
on time, especially the parents. If parents don't treat family
meetings as an important part of their lives, their children will
not either. Meetings should be held, even if there appears to
be no critical issues for the family to discuss. When there are
no critical issues to discuss, families can talk about the positive
things going on in the family.
*Agenda. Family meetings will run much more smoothly if there
is a set agenda for each meeting. A good way to set the agenda
is to have an "agenda list" in a prominent location
in the house. Each person who has something they would like to
discuss at the next family meeting should then write it down on
the "agenda list." This list of items can then be used
to guide the discussions that take place at the family meeting.
Families should include positive things that have happened during
the week on the agenda list. Families should try to start each
meeting by mentioning the positive events and efforts made by
family members during the week.
*Ground rules. At the first family meeting there should be a discussion
of the ground rules of family meetings. Some good ground rules
to establish are discussing only one topic at a time, not moving
on to another topic until everyone agrees to do so, taking turns
speaking, no putting other people down, and no fighting or arguing.
It should also be decided what will happen if someone misbehaves
or breaks a rule during a meeting. Disruptive behavior (for example
yelling) could be dealt with by sending the offenders to time-out
or to their room for a specific time period. They would be allowed
to rejoin the meeting after the time period is over.
*Chairperson. There should be a chairperson elected to lead each
meeting. The chairperson's job is to direct the meeting. He or
she decides whose turn it is to speak, when to move on to a new
topic, and when to take votes. Families can select a chairperson
at the end of each meeting to be responsible for the next meeting.
Chairpersons can be chosen in a number of ways, for example, in
alphabetical order, by age, etc. What is important is that each
family member takes turns being the chairperson.
*Secretary. Families can also choose a secretary for each meeting.
The role of the secretary is to write down all decisions made
at each meeting, and all topics discussed. Family members selected
for this position should be limited to those who are able to write.
*Problem Solving. Family meetings should be used to teach problem
solving skills to children. For each problem, families should
begin by trying to clearly define exactly what the problem is.
Then they should try to generate a list of possible solutions.
Families should try not to evaluate potential solutions until
the list is complete. When the list of solutions is complete families
should go through the list and evaluate the positive and negative
aspects of each solution. Then families should try to reach a
consensus on the best solution for all involved.
*Attendance. Family meetings will not be effective unless every
member participates. Therefore, it is probably best that attendance
be required of each family member who is school-aged or older.
Parents should set a good example by making every effort to attend
family meetings. Of course, there will be times when one family
member or another cannot attend. In these instances, the family
member who misses the meeting should be told that family decisions
will be made in their absence.
*Consensus. Important decisions are often made during family meetings.
It is best for families to strive for consensus (agreement of
all members) when decisions are being made. If consensus is not
reached and the issue being voted on is not one that must be decided
immediately, it can be put aside and voted on at the next family
meeting. However, there will be times when certain decisions cannot
be put off and consensus has not been reached (for example, where
to go on this week's family outing). In such instances, a popular
vote can be taken.
*Fun Activity. Families can plan some fun activity to take place
at the end of each family meeting, such as playing a game together.
This way, each family meeting will end on a positive note.
Family meetings can be a very effective way of improving communication
within a family. Parents as well as children will benefit from
having a regularly scheduled time to get together and discuss
issues that are important to the family. Center for Effective
Parenting
Special Thanks for permission to use this material
is given to:
Center for Effective Parenting
Little Rock Center: (501) 320-7580
NW Arkansas Center: (501) 751-6167
Written by Kristen Zolten, M.A. and Nicholas Long,
PhD,
Department of Pediatrics, University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences
Artwork by Scott Snider
© 1997