Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz

Unwitty hokum. A Japanese sci-fi nutty mess directed and co-written by Kinji Fukasaku, based on a story by Shotaro Ishinomori. It's a poorly done rip-off of Stars Wars, with cardboard characters playing second fiddle to cheesy special effects and a story best suited for space morons. This limited budget pic is as bad as any of the mediocre ones Toei Studios usually produces. Vic Morrow fails to do himself justice in his robotic role as the over-the-hill drunken General Garuda, resigning his Earth command because outdated robots have been dismantled on orders from the Central Command.

The familiar but incoherent mapped out plot line, an ill-conceived rehash of Akira Kurosawa’s The Seven Samurai,  involves the fact that the peaceful planet Jilucia has been defeated and nearly decimated by the forces of the Gavanas under the evil ruler Rocksaia XII and his Roman-like army dressed in tin, with Rocksaia's pervert mom, played in drag, filling her mama's boy son's ear with poisonous advice. In desperation the Jilucian wise man leader sends his sweet granddaughter Esmeralida dressed in what looks like a white wedding dress and her angry protector Urocco out in a sail boat-type of spacecraft to seek help, the wise man also tosses eight mystical Liabe nuts which travel through space to find warriors to defend Jilucia. Esmeralida somehow exits her space craft and miraculously finds the ones who have found the walnuts. Those chosen include two young punky Rebel Without a Cause-like 'Chicken Run' hotshot flyers, the always pouting Aaron and the always trying to look cool Shiro; their pal Jack, a disreputable buffoon with large front buck teeth sticking out of his eating hole and their thrill seeking rich girl follower Meia, who's simply awed by watching and collecting space fireflies (we're informed that the  flickering lights were caused by toxic waste dumps in the asteroid belt); the disgraced aging General Garuda; and, the savior crew is completed with Rocksaia’s brother, the warrior Prince Han (Sonny Chiba), who has issues with the current regime because they killed his parents and usurped his rightful throne. They also take along Garuda's talking robot Beba 2, the replacement for the robot he just gave an expensive burial for that upset the command, who's a bore if there ever was one. Their activities draw Rocksaia’s attention to Earth where he issues orders for humanity to surrender in 3-days or else he will destroy the planet. And, so the big galactic battle begins when Earth refuses to capitulate and it's up to this odd lot of chosen ones to save the world, as they overcome the betrayal of one of their own and in the end, in all the destruction, find a purpose in their life. It was about as heartfelt a message as watching a parrot say "Polly wants a cracker."

The best line is when one of the chosen utters "I have a nut in my drink."

REVIEWED ON 11/2/2003     GRADE: D

Dennis Schwartz: "Ozus' World Movie Reviews"

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