P.O. Box 646
Middlebury, VT 05753
Ph: (802) 388-3171
Fax: (802) 388-1590
|
P.O. Box 646 Middlebury, VT 05753 Ph: (802) 388-3171 Fax: (802) 388-1590 |
TIME-IN
Time-out has become an extremely popular
discipline technique. However, what determines the effectiveness
of time-out or almost any other discipline technique is time-in
. Time-in refers to the positive interactions and feedback children
receive when they are not misbehaving. The quality of time-in
is a critical ingredient in determining the parent-child relationship.
Children often see their parents as the people who set limits
for them and punish them when they misbehave. It is also important
for children to view their parents as people who offer a lot of
positive attention. The following suggestions can help improve
time-in.
Catch them being good. It is important that parents monitor
their children's activities frequently. This will give parents
a chance to observe more of their children's appropriate behaviors.
The goal is to catch children being good.
Don't wait for a special occasion. Parents should offer
their children a lot of praise when they are behaving "ok."
Parents should not wait until their children do something extraordinary
to offer praise.
Be specific. When parents praise their children, it is
often a good idea to tell them exactly why they are being praised.
For example, "You did a great job of not interrupting me
while I was speaking on the telephone. Thanks."
Provide physical attention. In addition to verbal praise,
parents should offer a lot of physical attention. For example,
hugs, smiles, kisses, pats on the back, or winks. Young children
respond especially well to physical affection.
Give immediate feedback. It is important to give children
positive feedback immediately. Parents shouldn't wait until sometime
after the good behavior occurs to offer the praise.
Avoid backhanded compliments. It is important to avoid
using backhanded compliments. For example, it is not a good idea
to say something like "That's good; why can't you do that
more often?"
Use third-handed compliments. Third-handed compliments
can be very effective. Third-handed compliments occur when one
person tells another person about children's good behavior in
the children's presence. For example, when one parent comes home
from work, the other parent talks about the child's good behavior
that occurred that day.
Plan parent-child activities. The use of a parent-child
activity can be used to reward children's good behavior. For example,
going to the park or playing a game. The use of parent-child activities
is often preferable to the use of material rewards.
Notice good behavior instead of just bad behavior. The
most important point is for parents to let their children know
that they notice their good behavior as well as their misbehavior.
It is the balance between time-in and time-out (or other punishment
techniques) that is critical in changing children's behavior.
Special Thanks for permission to use this material
is given to:
Center for Effective Parenting
Little Rock Center: (501) 320-7580
NW Arkansas Center: (501) 751-6167
Written by Kristen Zolten, M.A. and Nicholas Long,
PhD,
Department of Pediatrics, University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences
Artwork by Scott Snider
© 1997