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TIME-OUT AS
A DISCIPLINE TECHNIQUE
Time-out is a discipline technique that
involves placing children in a very boring place for several minutes
following unacceptable behaviors. Time-out really means time out
from any attention. Many parents have found time-out to be more
effective in improving their children's behavior than hitting,
yelling, and threatening. It has been shown to be effective in
decreasing various problem behaviors (e.g., temper tantrums, not
minding, hitting, etc.). Some parents say they have tried time-out
before, and it did not work. In most cases, the reason it failed
was because time-out was not used correctly. It is critical that
the time-out procedure be followed exactly as stated. It can take
only one slight change in the procedure to turn it from being
very effective to being ineffective. Consistency in using the
time-out procedure is critical. Parents should make sure that
all other adults who discipline their children use the same technique.
The time-out procedure described in this handout is generally
most appropriate for children from about 18 months to 10 years
of age.
For What Behaviors
Should Time-Out Be Used?
There are three categories of problems
for which time-out should be used:
1. Children should be placed in time-out for not following parental
directions. If children do not start to follow a direction within
five seconds, time-out should be used. Parents should never give
directions they are not prepared to enforce. Parents should also
never give more than one warning before using time-out. Children
can learn that their parents mean business after one warning just
as easily as they learn that they have about five warnings before
their parents really mean business. However, only having to issue
one warning results in a lot less frustration and fewer lost tempers!
2. Children should be placed in time-out for unacceptable behaviors.
Children should also be placed in time-out for any behaviors that
parents decide are unacceptable (e.g., temper tantrums, hitting,
biting, breaking a house rule). Consistency is very important,
so it will be necessary for parents to decide in advance for what
behaviors they agree to use time-out. When parents first start
to use time-out, it may be best to focus on one or two problem
behaviors. As those behaviors improve, parents can add to the
list of behaviors for which they will use time-out. Children should
be placed in time-out every time the unacceptable behavior occurs.
3. Children should be placed in time-out for dangerous behaviors.
Time-out should be used when children do something dangerous or
potentially dangerous.
Choosing A Location
For Time-Out
When parents first start to use time-out,
it is best to have one or two places in the home for time-out.
The following guidelines should be used in selecting a time-out
location.
- Choose a place away from toys, people,
T.V.'s, radios, windows, and anything else entertaining.
- There should be no breakable objects
nearby.
- It is best to have children sit in
a chair during time-out. The chair should be a straight-back
kitchen-type chair rather than a comfortable lounger or valuable
piece of furniture. Full-size chairs are preferable to child-size
chairs. Full-size chairs make it easier to determine when children
are on or off the chair.
- Children's bedrooms are typically not
good places for time-out. Children's bedrooms often contain many
items to entertain them.
- The best place is often a chair in
a hallway, kitchen, or corner of the room.
- If a separate room is used, do not
turn off the lights. This will only scare children. Also, do
not use a closet. The purpose of time-out is to remove children
from attention, not to scare them.
Preparing Children
For Time-Out
Before using time-out for discipline,
parents should briefly explain the procedure to their children
at a level they can understand. Parents should tell their children
that they are going to use time-out for discipline instead of
spanking, yelling, and threatening (or whatever techniques are
presently used). Parents should also tell their children what
behaviors will result in time-out. It helps to have children repeat
the steps back. Children should be told that there are two rules
that they need to know about time-out:
Children need to be quiet in time-out. Parents should tell their
children that time-out will not start until they are quiet. Parents
should tell their children that the time will start over if they
talk or make noises.
Children must stay in the chair until they are told to get off
the chair. Parents should tell their children that if they get
off the chair before being told, the time will start over.
Young children cannot be expected to remember the rules just because
parents told them. They will need to learn the rules by experiencing
what happens when they talk during time-out or when they get off
the chair without permission. Even older children who know the
rules will not follow them unless parents enforce them. (Would
you always resist speeding if you knew the police were not enforcing
the speed limit?) After explaining time-out, parents and children
should practice. Parents should tell their children that they
are going to pretend that a rule has been broken. Parents should
then lead their children through the procedure. Parents should
praise their children after the practice for learning the procedure.
Sending Children
To Time-Out
Immediately after an unacceptable behavior
occurs, parents should tell their children "Because you _____(whatever
they did), you have to go to time-out." Parents should say
this only once. They should say it in a calm but firm voice. Parents
should never use more than one sentence in telling their children
to go to time-out. Also, parents should send their children to
time-out as soon as their children's behavior starts becoming
unacceptable. Parents shouldn't wait until their children have
a full-blown temper tantrum. It is important that parents not
yell or nag. Parents should be as matter-of-fact as possible.
- Remain calm.
- Do not lecture, scold, or argue.
- Do not accept any excuses.
- Do not talk to children on the way
to the chair. After telling their children to go to time-out,
parents should not say anything to their children until the time-out
is over.
- If children do not go to time-out immediately,
parents should use a little physical guidance (e.g., take your
children's hands and lead them to the chair). If children resist,
parents should pick their children up (facing away from them)
and carry them to the chair.
- Ignore. Parents should ignore shouting,
protesting, and promises to be good.
What To Do While Children Are In Time-Out
When parents first start using time-out many children scream
or cry. This is normal, and parents should just ignore it. This
should stop before too long. It is critical for everyone to ignore
children who are in time-out. Siblings should be placed in time-out
if they bother a brother or sister in time-out. No one should
talk to or maintain eye contact with children in time-out. All
protests and fussing should be ignored. Many children say things
such as "I like sitting here." Just ignore this. (They
are just trying to bother their parents.) While children are
in time-out, parents should try to go about their normal activities.
They should not just stand around waiting for the time to be
up. Children need to see that other family members are not bothered
by time-outs.
It is recommended that parents use a portable kitchen timer to
keep track of time-outs. When children are in the chair and are
quiet, parents should start the timer for the specified number
of minutes. As a general rule, it is recommended that time-outs
last one minute for each year of age up to a maximum of five
minutes. These times represent quiet periods. If children start
talking or making attention-seeking noises, the timer should
be reset. Parents should not lecture or remind their children
of the quiet rule. They will get the message by seeing their
parents reset the timer. The timer may need to be reset several
times before children are quiet for the whole specified time.
Parents should never let their children out of time-out while
they are talking, yelling, or crying.
If children get off the chair before the time is up, their parents
should immediately say "NO" in a stern voice and put
their children back on the chair. Then, they should reset the
timer. Parents should not start talking to their children. Parents
should do this every time their children get off the chair. If
children get back on the chair as their parents approach, parents
should just reset the timer. If parents follow this procedure
carefully, it should not be more than a few days before children
consistently remain on the chair. If children continue to get
off the chair, parents should consult their children's health
care provider.
What To Do When The Time-Out Period Is Over
After children have been quiet and seated for the specified time,
the timer will sound. This is not a signal for children to hop
out of the chair. Parents are the ones who determine if their
children are ready to get off the chair. When the timer goes
off, parents should go over and ask their children if they are
ready to get off the chair. If the answer is affirmative, parents
should tell their children the time-out is over. If the answer
is negative (or children are obviously still angry), parents
should just walk away and reset the timer. Parents should not
lecture or nag their children about why they went to time-out.
If children were sent to time-out for not following directions
(e.g., did not put their toys away after being told), parents
should give the same direction to their children as soon as the
time-out is over. If the children follow the direction this time,
parents should say something to the effect of, "I like it
when you do as you are told." If the children do not follow
the direction, parents should repeat the time-out procedure.
It might take several times before children learn that parents
mean what they say.
Shortly after a time-out, it is important for parents to look
for and to praise their children's appropriate behavior. Remember,
parents should catch their children being good.
Using Time-Out Outside The Home
It is recommended that parents use time-out only in the home
until both parents and their children learn the procedure. When
children consistently take time-outs with little fussing, parents
can start using it outside of the home. In places where chairs
are not available, parents can use substitutes such as standing
in a corner, sitting on a step, or standing on a specific floor
tile. Remember, parents should never leave their children unattended
in public places.
Time-In
The most critical component of making time-out work is what happens
when children are not misbehaving. It is very important that
parents do not take their children's appropriate behavior for
granted. Parents should let their children know through praise
and physical affection that they notice appropriate behavior.
CATCH YOUR CHILDREN BEING GOOD!!!
Special Thanks for permission to use this material is given
to:
Center for Effective Parenting
Little Rock Center: (501) 320-7580
NW Arkansas Center: (501) 751-6167
Written by Kristen Zolten, M.A. and Nicholas Long,
PhD,
Department of Pediatrics, University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences
Artwork by Scott Snider
© 1997