P.O. Box 646
Middlebury, VT 05753
Ph: (802) 388-3171
Fax: (802) 388-1590
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P.O. Box 646 Middlebury, VT 05753 Ph: (802) 388-3171 Fax: (802) 388-1590 |
Many parents use grounding as a discipline
technique with their older children. However, when parents ground
their children for long periods (e.g., several weeks or more)
it often loses its effectiveness because there is typically little
incentive for children to behave well during the grounding. Also,
when parents ground children for a long period of time, they often
give in and reduce the length of grounding because of the restraints
it places on the whole family. When this happens, children learn
their parents won't follow through with the grounding they impose.
The modified grounding procedure described below involves brief
and intense grounding but the child is allowed the opportunity
to earn his or her way off grounding by completing a job assignment.
This technique is most appropriate for older children (e.g., 10-16
year olds).
Develop a job list. The first step in initiating the modified
grounding technique is to sit down with your child and develop
a list of 10-15 jobs that often need to be done around the home.
Do not sit down with your child to start this procedure at a time
when your child is about to be punished. Choose a time when your
child is behaving well to discuss the technique and to generate
a list of jobs. These jobs should not be chores that your child
is expected to do on a regular basis. These jobs should take a
significant amount of time to complete (e.g., at least 1-2 hours).
The jobs should also be things that your child is capable of doing.
Examples of such jobs include washing the windows in the house,
cleaning out the garage, and cleaning the bathroom.
Write each job description down on an index card. The next
step is to write each individual job on a separate index card.
This description should include a very detailed description of
exactly what is required to do the job satisfactorily. For example,
cleaning the garage would involve removing all objects from the
garage, removing cobwebs on the ceilings, sweeping the floor,
hosing/scrubbing the floor, and replacing objects in an organized
and neat fashion. If some jobs are relatively brief, it is possible
to combine jobs together so that all cards have a job assignment
that will take approximately the same total time to complete.
Explain the procedure. After this list has been generated,
your child should be told that when he or she misbehaves to the
degree that grounding is necessary, this new discipline technique
will be used. Immediately after the misbehavior has occurred,
the child will be told he or she is grounded and an index card
will be picked at random. The child will be completely grounded
until that job has been completed to the parent's satisfaction.
For particularly significant misbehavior, more than one card can
be drawn.
Define what grounding means. Grounding is severe and means
staying in one's own room (or an assigned room) except for attending
school, eating meals, or performing chores. During grounding there
should be no television, no video games, no radio or tape players,
no other games/toys, no visitors, no telephone calls, no snacks,
no reading materials except school books, and no outside social
activities. If a family outing is scheduled, a sitter should be
used so that the grounded child remains at home while the parents
and other family members can still go on the family outing.
Explain the rules one time only. It is critical that you
not nag your child about the jobs to be done. The rules of grounding
should only be explained to your child once.
Check your child's work. After your child has completed
the assigned job(s) he or she should come to you so that his or
her performance can be checked. If the job has been done well,
it is important to briefly praise your child for the job performance
and inform him or her that the grounding is over. If the job has
not been completed satisfactorily, briefly provide feedback to
your child on the aspects of the job that have been done well
and those that need additional work. Be specific in what additional
work needs to be done. Try to handle corrective feedback in a
matter-of-fact manner without nagging, lecturing, or becoming
upset.
Using this modified grounding procedure, your child earns his
or her way off grounding. Therefore, your child basically determines
how long the grounding will last. Grounding may last anywhere
from just a few hours to several days. If the grounding lasts
more than several days, it is important to check to make sure
your child is being appropriately grounded (e.g., they're not
sneaking television/radio).
This modified grounding procedure can be a very effective discipline
technique for older children (e.g., 10-16 year olds). However,
it is critical that parents also remember to frequently praise
and give their children positive feedback when they are behaving
well. As with any punishment technique, grounding will only be
optimally effective when there is a positive and loving relationship
between parents and their children.
Special Thanks for permission to use this material
is given to:
Center for Effective Parenting
Little Rock Center: (501) 320-7580
NW Arkansas Center: (501) 751-6167
Written by Kristen Zolten, M.A. and Nicholas Long,
PhD,
Department of Pediatrics, University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences
Artwork by Scott Snider
© 1997